laurenhooper:

awlhf:

supervengers:

omvr:

yo gettin married at 22 sounds a lot like leavin a party at 9:30 pm

yeah but you get to leave the party with your favorite person on the planet, and take off all of your makeup, and put on your ugly comfortable clothes and make popcorn and curl up in your bed and watch a movie, and have sex and go to sleep, idk how that sounds like a bad thing.

And everyone else just wakes up alone and hungover.

this is the best thing ive ever heard

bullied:

party at my house bring food then leave

tilltheend-12:

"your crush is coming in this way"
" what should i do?????"
"act normally"
"okay"

image

tuucker:

irisowl:

So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized

Dr. Robert Evans

I looked it up

My dentist is Captain America’s dad

My doctor is JK Rowling’s husband.

JK Rowling’s husband has asked me if I am sexually active.

disowns:

when you see a big spider on your desk 

image

(Source: disowns)

saddestblogger:

when someone attractive accidentally brushes against you in the hallway

image

(Source: saddestblogger)

disowns:

can i kiss your stupid fucking face or nah